Being a guitar player has its own attached fixes and woes, much as any other instrument would have. Here are 6 of those woes:
WOE 1: ROCK AND ROLL! ROCKSTAR! ROCKER!
At an age where the electric guitar is associated with THE rockstar - complete with coolness factor reaching to 100, it is further implied that once spotted slinging a guitar case, you definitely must be able to play the latest 4 chord pop junk on your amp's drive channel, and play it with so much conviction and so less in tune.
When asked of the things you play or are learning to, you answer something like the blues, some scales, hybird picking, etc. - and is retorted with:
"How about <insert latest FM hit/ soap opera soundtrack here>?"
What do you mean 'You haven't heard of that song?!' Dude, that's got to be the best thing that happened since triple decker cheeseburgers!"
WOE 2: How come you don't play that solo note for note?
Though I will never on the same plane, Charlie Parker was the guy who was referred to as "someone who never played the same solo twice", Miles never wanted to play what he played yesterday, and Don Cherry always approached his horn as if it was his first time to pick the instrument up.
Some instances require note for note accuracy: pre written/arranged lines from the catalogue of Vai, Satch, Petrucci, and the likes, a woodshedding exercise, or a tribute band project (How much liberty can you take from Steve Howe's guitar parts for YES?). Yet in the arena of improvisation, the dueling notes and unrehearsed strikes and parries shine bright - and all your guitar heroes love that dangerous engagement.
Sadly, for the TAB generation, the numbers printed are written in stone. A pharisaic view of this wonderful art of string bending has been reduced into something akin to a financial audit, which subjects every screw, picking angle, guitar face and stance into scrutiny.
"that sounds different from the album version. Betcha' can't play that. You suck."
WOE 3: YOU ARE TOO...
Loud. Soft. Heavily gained. Clean. Frilly. Flashy. Economic. Handsome. Young. Old.
This one's a no-brainer.
Humans in general will always have something to gripe about .That includes your guitar playing.
WOE 4: THE GUITAR GEEK ATTRACTION FACTOR
Okay. In as much as I love guitar and things guitar, I do not live on it - I live on an astronomical dose of God's grace, including oxygen, food, sunlight, water.
Every now and then, you run into people (usually on gatherings and Christenings and weddings, oh bless them) who, start to talk about humbuckers and Floyd Roses and screws and who-knows-what at the very first instance. They expect you to know all about the recent effects box on the market, rant on for hours on how indispensable the toy is, and ask your opinion on it , no matter what amount of clarification you make regarding your ignorance of the existence of such a product. Or make that sheer disinterest.
Please, I would be fine with bread and pasta , I think I'll skip that set of gauge .11 GHS Strings for dessert.
WOE 5: I HATE ME
I still wake up with mornings realizing:
I can have an EVH Fender Wolfgang, Neil Zaza's pedal board, Vai's Digitech Presets, Brian May's curly locks (and cable), David Martone's fingerpicks, and I will still sound like me, and I hate it.
Or that means I Hate me, to be exact.
Looking over the brighter side of things, even Eric Clapton can give a limb or two, but he will never sound like you. Because, simply he is Eric, and you are you. Eric has a voice, you have yours too, and as sure as rain, I have mine too.
But then again - you will never, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER sound like him. Ha ha! Haaaaa!
WOE 6: THE DREADED VIDEOKE NIGHTS
So you are a guitar player.
You get together with friends, who for one reason - equate guitar playing with being part of a band of any type - and follow that link to come up with a very unreasonable conclusion that this night will be your show. They hand you the mic, and expect you to do the mic like you would the guitar.
Before you can find the off switch (there is none, actually) you have mixed songs on your instant "setlist" lined up, courtesy of your friends : ballads from Journey and Europe, Silverchair, Eraserheads, Spongecola, Barry Manilow, Ricky Martin and, dig this - novelty, cheesy songs just for novelty's sake. Bon Jovi's 'It's My Life ' rumbles: the verse passes by with no other sound but the thudding mic laid on the table, enhanced by the echo.
Thud, thud, thud, thud. I find myself in the restroom .
They expect you to know the songs, tread the range from rap to soaring metal ballad because, yeah - you are in a band playing guitar.
Very, very logical.
Read with me: VOCAL CORDS, GUITAR CHORDS. These are entirely different entities.VOCAL CORDS, GUITAR CHORDS, VOCAL CORDS, GUITAR CHORDS...
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| photo by Joby Tanjuatco |
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